Completely Useless

A guys stumbles in being escorted by another guy in a suit. The guy in the suit orders a cheeseburger for him, tells him it's the best burger in Las Vegas, then tells him he'll be back in 20 minutes to pick him up. I ask the guy how he wants it cooked and he just stares at me, wasted beyond all redemption. He stands up and I point him to the bathroom, but he sits down again. He stands up. He sits. For the next 20 minutes he goes back and forth, I figure he can't decide to puke or not and get a bucket ready.

The girl next to him is staring. She catches his eye; he wiggles his eyebrows and gives her a "how you doin'?" He can't walk but hitting on women is as autonomic as breathing. His food comes out but he doesn't touch it, stands and sits, stands and sits. I ask the manager what I'm supposed to do; he tells me the guy in the suit is the bouncer from the nightclub, taking care of an important guest. That means the nightclub is dumping their VIP drunk off on me. He must be important to get personal attention, usually they would just kick him out. I ask the manager what I'm supposed to do when he walks out, because the guy isn't coherent enough to eat, much less conduct a transaction. He shrugs his shoulders and tells me it's my responsibility to make him pay. We're a nice restaurant, you don't pay for your food if you don't like it. And here is this man who didn't order his food, hasn't touched it, and the only reason he is here is because he isn't stable enough to walk somewhere else. The manager knew I was referring to chasing him down if he leaves, or if we were going to comp his food he didn't order, but he plays dumb which is totally in-character for him.

The guy stumbles off after 45 minutes and I ask the manager if he really wants me to chase him down and make him pay; I'm not looking forward to physically escorting back a drunk, then trying to get a legal signature off him. The manager ends up going over to the club and making the kids friend's pay. They were dropping a few grand on a table, which means the club didn't want to kick the group out but also didn't want the drunk puking in the club.